The Dark Lord and a Periwinkle Tutu
by Bloodonmyshirt
Summary: Complete. Harry and Hermione fell on the floor in fits of laughter, for the billionth time that night, oh god Harry! If that’s what being a death eater really is, sign me up!


**The Dark Lord and a Periwinkle Tu-tu**

It was yet another calming day, with fluffy bunny clouds adoring the beautiful blue skies. The perfect breeze blowing - oh to hell with that. It was raining dumpsters on an old shack, located just out side of London. One would have thought it would have flooded, then again, one would have never sensed dark magic.

Yes, it's true. Voldemort now rested in a shack - not just an ordinary shack. But a shack with all the chambers and torture equipment one would need for his enemies. Well, it was never a good day when the he-master used it on his chums.

"WORMTAIL," his voice whispered, "BRING ME HARRY POTTER."

Wormtail trembled to the floor in fright, for he did not have the-boy-who-would-not-be-captured. "M-m-master, I do not have Harry Potter."

The lord pressed his lips together and formed a very McGonagall-like look. "I do not tolerate failures such as yourself."

A young woman snorted in the background, mumbling about something on the lines of, "you have," and, "for years."

Voldemort glared, not so glarishly, "shut up my bitch!"

The young woman, known as Lyndsey gasped, "bitch please, you best kiss my prada pumps."

And kiss her prada pumps is exactly what the almighty-lord did. He then sat back in his wicker thrown, "MALFOY, TORTURE WORMTAIL."

Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape entered the room. Both wearing grins a young teen boy would after gettign laid.

"You two haven't been laying each other again have you?" Malfoy senior opened his mouth to speak, his-master got there first, "Never mind! Bad images! TORTURE WORMTAIL!"

Malfoy and Snape left with Wormtail, and the Lord crumbled with bad Malfoy-Snape images in his head.

Harry Potter woke up, his head clouded with sweat. "Bloody crack heads," he mumbled.

He crawled over to Ron's bed, and poked him in the cheek, "wake up you fool!" His friends snorted in response.

Glaring at Ron, he went down stairs, where Hermione had made the common room into her nightly bed-room. He found her snoring on the couch, and prodded her hard in the stomach.

Hermione made a loud snort and woke up startled. She looked over at Harry, and screamed. Harry looked back at her and screamed.

"God Harry! What are you doing?" asked Hermione, sitting upright.

"Uh, well.."

"Stop stuttering, it's not becoming of you."

"Sorry, well, I woke you up because I had another dream.."

"Oh Harry! Do tell." Hermione sat up straighter, if that was even possible.

Harry turned to look at Hermione, "Kay well, it started off at a shack.." And so for the next three hours Harry told Hermione about his, weird-but-amusing dream.

"And so he's like, 'GO TORCHURE WORMTAIL' and he crumbled in to the floor screaming about bad Malfoy-Snape images."

Harry and Hermione fell on the floor in fits of laughter, for the billionth time that night, "oh god Harry! If that's what being a death eater really is, sign me up!"

Harry play swatted her, "you supposed to be on my side!"

She grinned, "oh but I am." With that, Hermione got closer to Harry, and started to snog him senseless.

It was a shame they didn't notice Ron come seething down the stairs, he look like a modern Albert Eienstein.

"WORMTAIL," Voldemort gasped, "PREPARE FOR BATTLE!"

Wormtail summoned all of the dark lords servants, and lining up they go ready for battle.

"FAITFUL SERVANTS! YOU SHALL DIE WITH GLORY ON THIS DAY, FOR WE TRIUMPH AGAINST THE DIS-TASTEFUL EVIL LITTLE RETCHED MUDBLOOD'S AND THE BLOOD TRAITORS!"

With Voldemort's speech spoken he marched on like an army sergeant, his brain-washed minions following behind chanting, "He, ho, off to work we go, because, because, BECAAAUSE,"

"HARRY -BLOODY- POTTER!" Ron yelled, "YOU EVIL, LITTLE FOUL, BASTER-"

"Hey look!" Hermione shouted, "Voldemort and his evil minions!"

"EARTHQUAKE!" bawled Harry, hiding under a desk, "EARTHQUAKE!"

"NO! REALLY!"

Everyone ran over to the window to see Voldemort leading a marching group. "HARRY! GOO!" Hermione grabbed Harry hand, most of the older students following closely behind.

Voldemort stopped, "POTTER.. OH POTTER! Come out.. Come out, where ever you are!" Nothing happend.

Lucius Malfoy and another death eater started to whisper, "maybe he died of old age or something.."

Harry Potter and his cronies jumped out from behind a tree, looking like a bunch of down-sized apes, "ARRGH!"

The he-master and his minions screamed - high pitched.

Both parties pulled out their wands and pointed them at each other.

"I will have the last laugh Harry Potter! I will SO have the last laugh!" Voldemort cackled.

"WILL NOT!" And the boy-who-live pounced on the ugly body they so called master.

The two groups formed a circle, "FIST FIGHT! FIST FIGHT!" Was all that could be herd for miles.

Voldemort got on top of Harry, but soon caught sight of read hair, "MY LORD. RED-FREAKING-HAIR. DIE!"

And Voldemort left Harry to chase after one. Everyone was shocked, but they soon got over it and Hermione started to chase after Voldemort, and Harry after Hermione.

"COME BACK YOU EVIL FOOL!" Yelled Hermione.

She pointed his wand at him and a periwinkle colour came out.

Everyone stopped. Nothing this crazy or weird had ever happened. Ever.

In less then ten seconds, everyone was pointing at the he-master, laughing on the ground or leaning onto someone else.

Voldemort ran in circle, screaming. Wearing a periwinkle tu-tu. He fell to the floor, and let out one more blood cursing scream.

"Well," said Hermione, "dying of embarrassment has defiantly been brought to a new level"

* * *

So I wrote this at four in the morning on aprils fools day, not my best. I'll let you judge . The whole prada pumps part was suggested by my friend. Read and reveiw : ) I was totally sleep deprived..


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